For spouses who cannot agree on the terms of their divorce, mediation has long been their best option because it is cheaper and less stressful than litigation. Now that most people own a computer and are used to email, mediation has got even better. A new form of mediation, called online mediation, makes the whole process more convenient and effective than ever before. This is why.
Before meeting husband and wife in his or her office, a divorce mediator sends them by email some questions to think about, and a list of information they need to have before making any decisions. This way, each spouse can think through their divorce issues in the comfort of their home — as long as they need, and when they are in their best physical, mental and emotional conditions.
This new form of mediation finally resolves three problems often present in face-to-face mediation sessions.
Problem #1. When husband and wife sit down with the mediator, they may be tired and overwhelmed. Hardly the best time to make important decisions which are bound to affect their lives for years to come.
Problem #2. When spouses arrive at the mediator’s office, either of them may not be fully prepared. Obviously, this drives the other spouse nuts, and makes the whole session long, costly, and fruitless.
Problem #3. Like everybody else, spouses do not like making decisions when they feel unsure about their consequences. They would rather have the time to consult with the people they trust – family members, friends, or perhaps their new significant other. Those, by the way, are the same people who later can play a key role in the success or failure of any agreement reached in mediation.
For the above reasons, divorce mediators now use online mediation both before and between face-to-face sessions.
For example, this is what a mediator would actually do to for John and Mary, a divorcing couple who need to decide what to do with their family home. Can either of them stay in the house and buy out the other spouse’s share? Or should they sell the house and split the proceeds?
First, the mediator sends John and Mary an email with a list of information they need to find — e.g. the current market value of their house; how much it would cost and how long it would take to sell it, should that become necessary; amount of equity; financial options to buy out the other spouse’s share; total cost of living in the house, including mortgage payments, property taxes, insurance, utilities, repairs, and so on.
Next, the mediator shares with John and Mary whatever information they gathered individually, and then emails them this message:
John and Mary:
Given the information you both have about your family home, what do you think are the options to resolve that issue in a way that might work for both of you? As soon as you have a proposal for your spouse to consider, let me know, and we will schedule our next mediation session in my office.
Your mediator
In sum, online mediation is very effective because it results in fewer and more productive face-to-face sessions. More importantly, it produces divorce settlement agreements which are more durable. They are reached after each spouse had enough time to ponder their options and the consequences of their decisions.
